Photo by Flickr user Pictures of Money.
“Dating with DC is a lot of swinging and missing,” says Mallory Row, a local lonely heart. But this week, she finally got a hit: After what seemed like an extremely public request for a sugar daddy (in fact, she was just joking), Row was tasted by a (presumably loaded) gentleman who snuck in in it DM.
The backstory is strange: last week, in the wake of the great 2022 student loan redemption, nightlife blogger Barred in DC polled his Twitter followers on whether they qualified for Biden’s plan. One of the options – the attractive “not too high income” – caught Row’s eye. To obtain a loan repayment waiver, an eligible single person would have to earn more than $125,000 per year.
Row, a 30-year-old NOAA government contractor, replied, “If you answered ‘no – income too high,’ HIT ME UP.” Barred in DC then retweeted it to its 40,000 followers, some of whom are single straight men.
if you answered “no – income too high” HIT ME UP 😍
— Mallory Row (@mallyrow) August 24, 2022
Five suitors slipped into Row’s responses and DMs. But were their salaries high enough? “I sort of assumed that,” she says. “But I didn’t immediately ask ‘How much do you earn?’ and then, like, cut it off if it was below a certain income.
It turns out that location is a higher priority than wealth, which turned out to be the downfall of several Romeos in the answers. A man she briefly chatted with happened to live in Virginia — “all the way to Dunn Loring,” she says, “so that’s going to be a no.” Another guy lived in Richmond, so she didn’t even answer.
But one lucky respondent – a bona fide DC resident – wrote that he saw her tweeting, throwing an upside-down smiley face to lower the stakes. The pair DMed for days before See you Monday night at Mount Vernon Triangle for a date he has planned: a drink at Bavarian bar Prost, followed by dinner at Mexican restaurant dLeña. (dLeña is “definitely a strong pick for the guy with too high an income to prove he wasn’t lying,” wrote Barred in DC Washingtonian in a DM.)
“The conversation was great – lots of laughs,” Row says of their date. But one gesture stood out: “He asked me at dinner what I was thinking of having, and when the waiter came by, he ordered it for me.” Row describes this behavior as “new and different,” but she didn’t hate it.
So did Mallory Row find the deep-pocketed man of her dreams on Twitter? Well, maybe. She didn’t ask about his income or his (potentially heavy?) student loan balance, but he’s a consultant and he paid for dinner, so there you go. In fact, says Row, money never mattered. OWhat she’s really looking for is love: her date felt “authentic” and “active in DC.” He volunteers at his church, Row says, and “he has a lot of interests besides going out for food and drinks.”
Shared values! High income! Curiosity beyond the epicurean sphere! Barred in DC seems to have spawned an unstoppable pair. In the “sewage that is Twitter,” he says, he “never expected a polling question — much less a polling choice — to lead to matchmaking.”
Row and her new boyfriend discuss a second date. And while many women might wish to quarantine their DMs from lovesick guys, Row is glad her amusing tweet emboldened those who reached out. His advice to singles in the District? “You never know what’s out there. And if you feel like taking your shot, take your shot.